Kim Topham, Associate Priest in Hagley and Clent has recently taken on the role of Maternity Bereavement Chaplain at Russells Hall Hospital in Dudley, as well as being one of their bank chaplains. She supports families who have lost a baby as well as supporting the maternity staff themselves.
Kim said: “I previously worked alongside the lead Chaplain at Russells Hall and had taken some baby funerals, so when I was asked to take the lead in this area, I felt that it was something that I could do. I had two miscarriages and lost my son Sam at just eight weeks and experienced the difference that having the support of a Chaplain can make. At the time, the Chaplain was there for us without intruding and we felt held in love. There is nothing worse that a family can go through and having someone alongside you can be hugely important.”
Kim will be called into the hospital to bless a baby who has recently died and also organises memorial services at Gornal Wood crematorium each month, for families who have lost babies at different stages of their pregnancy.
“Each month we have a memorial service for those who have lost in the first few weeks of pregnancy. Anyone is welcome to come along to these, no matter how long ago they lost their baby,” said Kim. “Every other Friday there will also be a service for babies lost up to 24 weeks, to which three families are invited. Many people appreciate this as an opportunity to say goodbye. For babies who are lost at full term, I come alongside the family to help them organise an individual funeral, arranging for them to meet with a funeral director and providing pastoral support throughout the whole process."
Kim works alongside an Imam who organises funerals for Muslim families. The funerals Kim puts together can be religious or not, depending on what is right for each individual family. She often has to find a balance between using Christian words which will resonate with everyone who is present.
“Whether the families know it or not, God is always in the room and that’s what I love about this work. Lots of these families I will never see again – it’s not the same relationship as taking parish funerals. However, they are always incredibly grateful and it’s always wonderful to receive a card or email of thanks afterwards. There are a heartbreaking number of people who lose a child and being a Chaplain is an awful and beautiful job all at the same time.”
Kim will also be called into hospital for emergency end of life blessings and prayers, both for children and adults. Sometimes the family is waiting for the Chaplain to arrive before the life support is removed. She also visits the neo natal and maternity wards, talking to the families and the staff and providing support.
Kim said: “For all the sadness, there are beautiful moments and I can always tell that our work means so much to people. The nurses care so much and are grateful that a chaplain will come when needed. I know that God is always there, even if they don’t realise it.”
